BUSD Kindergarten Information Night Recap

Tonight I attended a Berkeley Public Schools Kindergarten Information night along with about 150 other families. I was really impressed by the candor and quiet humor of Admissions director Francisco Martinez - he handled the questions of the crowd really well.

Some highlights of the evening:

• The rationale regarding the lottery system in BUSD was reviewed along with the current boundaries. The attendance zones are published on the berkeleyschools.net website, but a minor tweak to the boundaries from two years ago is that Malcolm X is considered both a Central and Northwest zoned school, and Berkeley Arts Magnet is considered both a Southeast and Central zoned school due to enrollment needs. 

• I was impressed by the clarity in which the thinking behind the zones was expressed. Basically, the district looked at parental education levels, family income levels, and ethnicity throughout the city and created attendance areas given those demographic factors. Thinking about creating diverse and integrated schools - while giving families choice - as families enroll, they assign each family a "diversity score" which simply reflects where you live. For example, I have a diversity score of 2, because I live in North Berkeley below MLK - it doesn't have anything to do with the actual education, income, or ethnicity of my family. Then, families are assigned to schools based on creating a balance of diversity scores (1 (hills), 2 (middle/central Berkeley), or 3 (flatlands)) at each school. This is all done by a computer in under three minutes!

• Children are assigned within the lottery by these priorities: 
• All children already enrolled are placed first (to maintain their "seat" in their current school)
• Siblings are enrolled next to keep families together at schools as much as possible
• Families who are choosing schools in their attendance zone
• Families who are chosen schools outside their attendance zone (this was not recommended throughout the talk)
• Finally, non-BUSD residents applying for spaces are given an opportunity if spaces still exist

• Mr. Martinez clarified that this is a highly computerized system that doesn't allow for individual biases, preferences, etc. MANY families asked about different ways of increasing their chances at receiving certain school assignments - and the answer to these questions was very clear.  While many families proposed more complicated theories, the district stated these are the only factors that assist with receiving a school of your choice.  

• Apply within the timeline - forms are due February 3rd, 2012 this year. 
• Applying in the attendance zone in which you live gives you a greater chance of being assigned your top three choices (due to the lottery priorities noted above).
• Write in all three choices as asked on the form - or the computer randomizes your choice that you left blank for you. 
• If you are interested in your child attending a two-way immersion program and they are not a Limited English Proficient learner (meaning, English is their native language and they speak it fluently) there are only 30 seats district wide. That isn't many - three to five times as many families as seats apply to this program yearly. If this is of interest to your family, Mr. Martinez recommended highly that you apply to the two-way immersion program  in your attendance area.  He stated that there is almost no way (statistically) to be assigned to a two-way immersion program outside your attendance area.
• However, if you want to try to get into an immersion program, feel free. That lottery is run first, before the "regular" lottery. The children are assigned to those programs and then, if they did not get a seat, are put through the regular lottery system using your other listed preferences on the enrollment form.
• There is a higher likelihood of getting into a school that is larger in your attendance area, than one than is smaller.  There are simply more seats available.

•  Waiting lists were discussed. Once your family as received your assignment, you have two weeks to request being placed on waiting lists for schools of your choice. 
• You can be on as many waiting lists as you would like at any time.
• Each waiting list is different. You could be #1 on one list and #150 on another.
• It isn't first come, first serve. You are placed on a list based on your diversity score and based on the priorities list above. Again, you are most likely to be placed higher on a waiting list in your attendance zone than outside your attendance zone.

•  Mr. Martinez addressed the concerns that BUSD has many children attending who do not live in Berkeley. He noted: 
• The district always asks for proof of residence, but proof can be forged.
• However, the district does allow children to attend BUSD who have a guardian who works for the district. This is allowed via their contract. 
• Intradistrict transfers are also allowed for some special education students on a case-by-case basis. 
• BUSD does also allow some other non-Berkeley families to attend due to "extenuating circumstances", but this is rarely granted and a seat needs to be available and not needed for a Berkeley resident. 

• Mr. Martinez concluded that if families have any questions, they should feel free to contact the admissions office for advice at 510-644-6504. 

Hope our brief summary is helpful. Post comments and questions below!

The School Tour

Sadly, I just read that the longest a blog post should be is 500 words. Sigh. Definitely not my specialty. 

Here is the thing - I figure that people who read this blog are: (1) Kind friends who read my blog in case I ask them about my blog, and don’t want to say that they haven’t read it, or (2) People who want to know what a fifteen-year educator knows about school selection. If you are the #2 kind of person - sorry for my wordiness, but it is hard to be succinct when you are passionate about something. If you are the #1 kind - I love you and you can be excused for today.

So before I launch into a diatribe about the critical nature of the school tour - let’s review. I am hoping that before you go into that next school tour you have talked with your partner/friend/significant other about your key educational values and your child’s critical needs in a school setting. If you have read this blog before, you might be gathering that I am obsessive about this point - and will return to it as often as necessary. (Read here and here if you don’t believe me.)

Without having this base, you are looking at a school without a focus. This can lead to distractions becoming a part of your school search. For instance: 

--The “bright and shiny things” distraction. These are school amenities or programs that are available at a given school - but they may not contribute to the school in a way that is important to your family or your child. If you go into a school without your key values explicitly articulated, it is easy to be distracted by the new computer lab, the tennis courts, or the Nepalese bilingual immersion program.  These could be amazing contributors to your child’s education - or they could take away from other programs that are deeply important to your family or your child. Something to think about is that even the schools with the most money and most resources have to make choices about where and how they focus those resources - they can't fund everything equally. Schools have to prioritize - as do families. 

--The “personable people” distraction. Some schools have amazing admissions directors, heads of school, dynamic PTA leaders - and thank goodness for them. However, one person does not a school make. While I do think that principals/heads of school are important to the overall school climate and teaching atmosphere, it is important to find out how much that person you admire and connect with is involved in the children’s day-to-day lives at the school. What does their influence contribute to the school? The head of school may make you cry with joy when he talks about early childhood development, but he might not have much day-to-day contact with the teachers at the school. Also, it is important to know if having an enthusiastic head of school is important to you - or are there other things higher up on your priority list. It is important to decide before the personable people persuade you to sign up for a school that, in the end, doesn't match your needs. 

--The "my best friend says" distraction. While other people's opinions, impressions, thoughts, etc. about schools you are looking at are important to hear - please don't let them choose for you. I recently spoke to a mom who did not consider a school for her child because her mother had negative things to say about it. Later, in desperation, she was convinced to look at the school and found it was exactly what she was looking for her children - and brought her mom on another tour later. Turns out that her mom had never seen the school either, but had "heard things" - which shaped her opinion. We all "hear" things about schools. Some of them are objectively true, some were true several years ago (but aren't true any more), and some are only subjectively true - they are true depending on who is doing the looking. Don't let other people sway you from checking out a school that seems like it matches your values. They are looking at the school from their value-colored lens...not from yours. 

O.K. - so what do we do to keep from getting distracted while we are on the school tour? 

(1) Have your top educational priorities written down in front of you for each school tour, to minimize the “bright and shiny” effect of certain tours. Check them off as you see them in the school and note how they are demonstrated. Are people just telling you that the school has "active learning" approach - or did you see the children in the classrooms participating actively with your own eyes. Write down your evidence and track it as you go through the tour. Then, later you can compare and contrast actual data on "active learning" (and other key priorities) between school sites when you are making your choice. 

(2) Craft your questions about the school in advance of the tour and create a "form" that you fill out at each tour when you get your answers.  Try to make sure you ask the same questions at each tour so you can compare apples to apples when the time comes. 

Note: Don't be afraid to ask a question. Any question. They should be ready for you or they should get back to you quickly. If they aren't ready for a question about school diversity, or teacher training, or school finance stability, then you have your answer...it's not on their radar.

(3) Give yourself time, space, and care to be a good observer. Going into a school tour tired, hungry, stressed, anxious, or with an infant in tow, will color your experience of the school. Also, sadly, it will impair your ability to observe the setting. If you can, get a good nights rest, have breakfast, and drop your youngest off at your mom's house. Do what you can to be a focused observer with a calm and open mind. 

(4) If you can, have someone else go and look either with you or at a different time. If you have a partner, send them on a different tour (with the same priority-based checklist) and see what they see. If you are doing this alone, go twice to the schools that are in your top three choices. Having multiple experiences with the same place will help double-check your first impression of the place and give you more data to compare and contrast. 

(5) Note the red flags. I feel like these are probably different depending on who you are, but my red flags are dirty bathrooms or hallways (signs of not great management of staff and/or disorganization); extremely messy classrooms (either an unprepared teacher or one with not enough support to organize a little throughout the week); a shouting teacher (stress and school climate issues); and unfriendly support staff (again, a hiring and management issue - also a sign of an unhappy working environment). One family I know saw a rat at a school tour...and that was their red flag. Everyone has theirs - articulate them and write them down if you see them.  

Note: If it is a "yellow flag" (something you see that bothers you just a little), still write it down and your feelings about it. What you observed might become an important deciding factor later when it is time to choose.

These are my tricks - what are yours? What are you looking for on your tours? How do you organize yourself? Post below and let me know what you think!

Your Gut and School Selection

There are two common responses when I tell someone that I am an educational consultant that helps families find schools that meet their needs.

(1) The horror story: The person will launch into a tale of someone they knew who had a horrible experience with X school or Y preschool and how they could have really used someone like me at the time.

(2) The why-you-aren't-needed story: (I don't take this personally - really.) The well-meaning person will tell me, "Well, you just know when you know. You know?  Finding a school - it is all gut instinct. You see it - and you know if it will work for your family."

While I don't want to dismiss someone listening to their gut outright when it comes to school selection (there is definitely a place for it) - I want to challenge this idea because, interestingly enough, the "horror story" responders? They often listened to their gut and went into a school situation without looking hard enough at the fit between the school and their child and family.

The thing is - the American Family is busy. Way too busy. And don't get me started on Bay Area parents - we are busy to the nth power...on speed. It would be great if this was the 1970s where you sent your child to the local public school and things just worked out. It was simple*.  Like the advice of "listening to your gut". It simplifies a complex decision making process. It calms worried, busy families. It says, "Go to the tours, but the other, hard work - like figuring out what is most important to your child and your family, and then finding it - that work isn't needed. Your instinct will lead the way."

Our instincts - our gut reaction - are shaped by so many things. Count them with me - our mood, our energy level, our health, what other people told us we should feel or think, our past experiences (which could be related and relevant - or not), our schedule on a given day (busy or calm), our relationships (in conflict or in peace), the conversation we just had with our mother-in-law in the car....so many things can influence how we look at a school at any given time. Our gut is malleable - like cornstarch and water mixed together. Our gut reaction to an experience at any given time might not uphold and prioritize our deeply held values regarding that experience the way we would like it to - it is based (a heck of a lot) in our emotional state.

Here is the hard truth. You wouldn't buy a house on just your gut instinct, right? Home ownership is a major investment and most families treat it as such. We research potential neighborhoods with care. We attend open house after open house. We wonder,  what is the community like - and ask multiple people for their perspective.  We question - can we afford a house in that area? We consider how we feel about "fixing up" a property - and putting our energy into making more than it was? We think about nearby amenities - do we want access to public transportation? Or is green space more important to our family? Maybe if we need help, we hire a real estate agent to help us find exactly what we are looking for.

I hope you get where I am going with this. With any major investment, most of us carefully think about our family's needs and values before diving in - because choosing a school is a long-term decision will support (or impact) your family for years to come. Your choice for your child's first school environment needs the same attention.

In the end, we do use our instincts to purchase the house or choose the school. But hopefully, we use our gut as only one data point among many to make the best choice possible - to avoid the horror story.

*It wasn't really. Remember? A lot of us were miserable in school. There were just fewer choices. 

Time Management in the School Search Selection Process - Part 2

(Author's Note: If you missed part one of this series, click here. )


Continuing our month-by-month analysis of how to manage your time in a your search for a school. Starting at...

November

• Continue to tour and attend open houses for schools of interest. Take notes and organize as you go - there is still a long road ahead.

• Schedule “kid-free” time with your partner, best friend, mother, etc. to talk about your impressions of schools so far. Begin to prioritize schools of interest and what elements of the school, the curriculum, and the environment that is important to your family. 

Hint: In your moment of quiet, prioritize school applications and (if possible) divide up the work of applying. In my family, my husband did the financial aid forms, and I did the application forms and the teacher recommendations. 

• Make a calendar of deadlines. Note: 

--While the EBISA schools share an acceptance notification deadline (generally in early March, see ebisa.org for details about this year’s date) - their individual application due dates differ. (Also, many schools also have a “priority deadline” where they accept applications early.) Know when your materials are due - especially when to apply for financial aid.  You don’t want to miss out.

--Remember that the public school deadlines differ from district to district and can have a short window to make requests, participate in lotteries/options programs, and tour schools. Contact your district to plan your time accordingly.

December

• Make your decisions regarding private/parochial school applications. If attending a private/parochial school is important to your family, be sure to apply to more than one school to create a field of choices for your family come acceptance time. Better to have too many school choices, than not enough. 

• Once you have decided, check on signing up for any required “shadow days”, readiness assessments, head of school/parent interviews, and group visits that are a part of your chosen schools application procedures. 

• Begin your application materials for your selected, private/parochial schools. (Many applications have essay questions regarding your thoughts on education, so if you are a slow writer, or a busy professional - start ASAP.) 

• Remind your child’s teacher(s) about needed recommendations. Giving them a copy of the form, along with a pre-addressed, stamped envelope (as well as a big thank you) will help get the ball rolling. 

• Public schools visits in OUSD and BUSD often begin now (go to www.ousd.k12.ca.us and  www.berkeleyschools.net for detailed information). Individual schools run their tours and open houses individually...so be sure to call each school to sign up to see what your public schools have to offer. 

Note: If you don’t live in the district where you would like your child to attend, you can try for an intra-district transfer, but they are becoming more and more rare with budget cuts. See what your local public school district has to offer first. 

January

• This is a great time to finish looking at schools. Many schools will tour through January, so if there was one last school you wanted to see, or you just heard about school Z - go now.

• Finish applications for private/parochial schools including admission applications, essays, financial aid packets, transcript sending (if needed), and teacher recommendations. Some schools’ applications are due now, some in February so check with your schools to make sure that you are on time. 

• This is when many schools begin to hold their pre-admission assessments, family interviews, group assessments, and individual shadow days for students applying. Put aside your weekends for this if you are applying to three or more private schools. 

Note: These visits can be very stressful for some children. Put aside a lot of special family time to recoup from the demands of meeting and impressing strangers every weekend. 

February

• You are in the home stretch!  Finish applications, assessments, group visits, etc. 

• This is when many charter schools hold their lottery events (not all - so please check with the charter schools that you are applying to for the specific date). 

• Some charter schools require attendance at the lottery event for you to accept the space (most often, the more competitive ones). Make sure you know if you need to attend, or if they will call you with the news. 

• Relax and wait for your decisions to arrive in the mail - there isn’t anything you can do right now, so enjoy your new-found spare time. 

March

• EBISA schools notify families of acceptance (generally in the 1st or 2nd week in March). There is an agreed upon “quiet week” immediately following where schools are not supposed to contact families,  so you can decide which school is the one for you. 

• Financial aid awards (if applicable) should arrive with your acceptance. 

• If you need to, feel free to schedule a last minute tour of your top choices so you can make the best decision possible. Admissions directors and heads of school are very interested in talking with potential new families - they are standing by to speak to you. 

• Many area school districts notify families of their public school admissions during this same week. If you are unhappy with the school you received, don’t hesitate to go to district to discuss  your options (e.g. being put on a wait list; participating in another round of a lottery (often called an appeals process), etc. 

Hint: Put aside a few hours to visit the district (not a lunch-hour errand) and be in a good, problem-solving state of mind. District staff are often underpaid and under appreciated - so approaching them with a calm, kind demeanor will get you farther than panicking in their presence.

• Schedule a quiet, no-kids night to think deeply about your decision. You have one week for private/parochial schools to decide. (No pressure.) 

• Make a decision!  For the public/charter schools you need to bring in enrollment forms and proof of residency (in the next few months). For the private/parochial schools, you will need to send in a deposit to hold your spot which is generally 10% of the cost of tuition. 

• As a courtesy, call any other private/parochial schools that accepted your child and let them know that you won’t be attending. This opens a spot up to another family on the wait list - they will appreciate your thoughtfulness. 

April  to September

Two potential outcomes: 

(1) Congratulations! Your child has a great school - you did it.

• Make connections to your school of choice to help introduce your family to your new community. This could be school fundraising events, school plays, class picnics, summer classes/camps that are available at the school site, etc. It will help both you and your child make new friends in your new home away from home.

• Schedule a physical for your child. Many schools require updated health information before a child begins attending school. 

OR

(2) You didn't' get into the school you really wanted. It is OK - there is just work left to do.

• Working within the public/charter school system: Find out about the appeals process available in your district (or the wait list system for your preferred charter school). These normally have very strict deadlines, so for the best outcome, find out what they are and adhere to them. 

• Often there are several rounds of appeals or lengthy wait lists to tackle. Stay on top of it, calling every couple of weeks to see where your child is on the list. Don't assume "they will let you know". The people who are calling regularly may be at the right place at the right time in these systems. 

• Working within the private/parochial school system: Start to make some phone calls to other schools you are interested in, but didn't apply to in the first round. Due to the economy, many tuition-based schools still have openings after sending out acceptance letters in March. It may not be your first choice school, but you may find a school that meets many of your key needs and priorities. 

Managing Your Time While Looking For A School

Looking for a school can be very overwhelming - and time consuming. Wondering what to do when? To help, we have organized key action items that will assist your family in a public, private/parochial, and charter school search. (Note to Non-Bay Area families: this list may help you, but double check time lines with your district and independent schools organizations to make sure they match our estimates.)

Here is a month-by-month list of activities to help you organize your school search: 

August

• Brainstorm with your partner, close friend, mother, etc. what are the most important things you are looking for in a school. Think about this from your perspective (what will make you feel comfortable that your child is getting a good education) and from the viewpoint of your child (what type of setting do they do well in?) 

• Start your research as soon as possible: Start doing Internet and word-of-mouth research on schools of interest. Places to start in the Bay Area are: 

www.greatschools.org

www.parents.berkeley.edu

www.ebisaca.org

www.nais.org

www.capenet.org

Check out up-and-coming educational search site www.noodle.org

Don't forget the websites of the schools themselves - they are full of great information.

Last, but not least, talk to friends, family, chatting with people you meet in the park - people love to talk about their impressions about schools - listen to them, but do other research to back up their thoughts. 

• If your child is applying to a private middle school (or high school), they will probably need to take the ISEE or the SSAT. Go to http://erblearn.org/parents/admission/isee or http://www.ssat.org/ssat/info/home.html to find out when the testing dates for this year are and register.

September

• Talk to your child’s preschool (or previous) teacher(s). Ask them: 

--Their impressions of what kind of program would be beneficial for your child. 

--Is my child ready for....? Knowing early in the year whether your child needs extra support to be ready for the next grade can be critical in selecting a school and getting them the support they need. 

--What schools have other families attended - and spoke positively about? 

--Would they be willing to write a teacher recommendation (required by most private schools) for your child? If so, what time frame would be most helpful for them (you don’t want your teacher to rush through your child’s recommendation). 

• Request admissions and financial aid material for private/parochial schools of interest online or via phone. Most schools will have their tour schedule up at this time - but a few won’t. If there are some “must see” schools on your list, request that you be informed of tour times once they are scheduled. 

• Create a place to keep all your information gathered about various schools to stay organized throughout the school selection season. 

• Schedule study time for the ISEE for your middle school or high school student. (See above.)

October

• This is when tours, open houses, and information nights for private/parochial schools begin in earnest - schedule them and attend. While you want to collect good information, don’t overwhelm yourself by doing all your touring in October - you can tour in November, and in December too. Spread it out.

Remember: Take notes during each tour and organize any information you receive at a tour with your application materials. You don’t want to be searching for your notes on “school A” at the last minute before your application is due. 

Idea: Take some pictures on your school tours with your handy smart phone. Most schools won’t let you take pictures of children - but they will let you take pictures of the outside of the school, the hallway, an empty classroom, etc. Pictures may help you remember one school versus another when they all start to blur in your memory in January.

• Information fairs for independent schools - where you can talk to representatives from a variety of schools in the Bay Area at one time - occur during this month. Check the EBISA website for this year’s fair date and location.  

• Middle schoolers and older need to finish studying and take the ISEE. See above for more information.

Stay tuned for November through March - you, early planner you!

Is It Transition - Or Is Your School Not Working for Your Kid?

I just dropped my child off at first grade. We are in our third week of school, and Lily is still crying when I drop her off. When we drop her off at her school that we painstakingly, hand-picked for her two years before. When we drop her off to the SAME classroom with the SAME teacher she was with last year (it's a K-1 class). She is still crying and clinging - on day twelve. To be honest, I cry too, later, when she can't see me. The waterworks were on today especially because she woke up saying the dreaded words - the words that no 15-year educator/mommy with a master's degree focusing on social-emotional development wants to hear -  "I HATE school!  I don't want to go!"


It is a horrible thing to watch your child have difficultly transitioning to school - and even more horrible still when you don't have a great teacher who calls you when your child has calmed down and started participating happily in the routines of the class. But how do you tell the difference between your child in transition - or child's classroom (or their school) isn't working for them? What (and who) helps you make that call?


(1) Look at the situation - the WHOLE situation: What else is going on in the life of your child?Meaning, is there a change in your child's classroom - or their day -  that could be contributing to greater anxiety or difficulty coping in school? Some changes that might impact a child's ability to dive into school with a positive mindset are:

•  Did you child just transition to a new teacher? A new classroom? A new school? Are there transitions happening at home? 

Transitions and their impact on children are seriously minimized in our society. We think that kids should just go with the flow and adjust to their new surroundings because, to be honest, us parents need them to for our over-scheduled , over-demanding days to work out OK. But transitions are really hard on children - even the ones that we think should be "good". In our family, instead of me working a full-time plus, stressful job, I am starting a business and working at home. I can pick my daughter up after school instead of her going to aftercare. We can have play dates in the park. We can hang out together. This is good, right?


It is - but it is also a change. It means that there is less predictability in our schedule. It means that she might not be quite sure what we are doing when school is done each day (even though I tell her). It also means that she, in her little world, could be with me at home during the day. (Wouldn't that be great, mom?) Our family is in transition - and that is impacting how Lily feels about the safety and predictability of her world.

• Are there changes in expectations at the new grade level that your child might have difficulty with? 

Things change from one grade level to another. No surprise to us grown-ups, who understand the system, but it might be a little bit of a surprise to the kiddos out there. They just got used to one classroom. It was familiar, it was predictable - they knew what they had to do to meet the expectations of the day...and now there is first grade...or second grade...or seventh grade.  The bar moves, and today, it moves even more quickly than it ever did before. Maybe your child is reacting to the increase of expectations (behavioral or academic) in the new setting. If so, maybe talking with your child's teacher (see below) might help allay some of their fears about not succeeding in the new setting or help you to focus on supporting your child's academic success at home. Children - like us - need to feel competent and successful in order to approach a task with their best self. Help them feel that way.

• How are their friendships? Any shifts in the social group in the new classroom? 

How do you feel when you walk into a room a strangers? Some of you probably answered that question with a "GREAT! It is a fantastic opportunity to meet exciting people who could become my newest friend!"  But if any of you are like my daughter (and me), your stomach just dropped. For some of us, making new friends is really hard - and stress inducing. And for people like us, having to manage "being social" with new people every day for six hours a day, five days a week...well, it makes you want to climb back under the covers when the alarm clock goes off. Knowing your child (see below) helps in emotionally supporting them with the new social landscape and talking with their teacher  (step #2 below) can give you the information to help them navigate it. A simple play date with a potential new school friend can help your child become more confident with their friendship in the classroom, and might get them over the transition hump - and out of the bed in the morning.  

• Are they hungry - maybe they are in a growth spurt and need a bigger breakfast? Are they getting enough sleep?

Maybe your child is different, but my child really doesn't know when she is hungry or tired - when she is REALLY hungry or tired. These things impact children's emotional state and their ability to meet the challenges of the day in a rosy manner. Check their eating and sleeping habits, because they can change surprisingly and unpredictably. Maybe your non-breakfast eater really does need to have some breakfast to improve their mood - when they didn't last year. Maybe that new, later bedtime needs to be re-adjusted back because they are waking up exhausted each day. Check in with your child's overall wellness and give them what they need. More sleep, more breakfast, more down time with the family, play dates with a new friend...give it to them. Even if it means moving things around a little bit and changing routines. It will help. 

So, if you went through the above list and said - yep, yep, check, and check - then your child is in transition. The good news is your child's behavior is temporary - and it probably isn't the school or the classroom. The bad news is transition takes time. For some kids, transition requires a few days of adjustment. For others....well, it is more than 12 days. 

But let's say you don't think it is a transition for your kid. Day 30 of the new classroom has passed, there are no major changes at home and you are waking up in the middle of the night. Your gut tells you that there might be a bigger problem. Then - 

(2) Talk to your child's teacher:  Calling your child's teacher and making an appointment to discuss your concerns is critical in understanding the full extent of the problem and the teacher's take on the situation. He or she is with your child for six hours (or more) a day. They know stuff. When you sit down at the appointment (don't catch them "on the fly" or you will get an "off the cuff" response), have your key questions ready. And as you ask your questions, you have to do something really hard.


Listen.


When you open up a discussion about your concerns about your child at school, you can get a variety of responses. The response might be exactly what you want to hear. And it might be everything that you feared. Mostly, it will be somewhere in between.


I am not saying you have to take what this person as saying as the whole truth (and nothing but) - but they do have a perspective. A perspective based on direct observation of your kid, experience with lots of other types of kids (other than just yours), and a long-term view of what happens in these situations down the road in school. Their perspective includes (consciously or unconsciously) knowledge of how that school (their work environment) handles and supports children with these types of concerns in the classroom. The teacher's perspective is rich - and will give you key information.


But, lets say, for sake of argument, that you have a first-year teacher, or a teacher who's general outlook on kids doesn't really seem to match your own. Still sit down with them - and listen.


The teacher's perspective also shapes how they interact with your child at school. How they view your kid. How they support your kid - how they support others. You can hear what is stressful for them ("well, we have 30 kids in the room this year - that is hard to manage"). You can hear what their beliefs are ("I find that boys just need to work it out without interference from adults"). You can hear what they think is needed for the room to succeed ("if we just had a room parent to organize volunteers during reading..."). You can hear what they think you should be doing differently ("what - me?") All those messages give you information about the teacher, the classroom and the school -  and how it might be impacting your child.


It can be hard to hear. It is hard not to be defensive. Extremely hard not to dismiss. We are all busting our backsides to be good parents. It can be really difficult to hear that we need to do another thing to support our child or their classroom. That we need to stretch ourselves thinner to make things work out OK.


But you have to hear it in order to be able to formulate your own thinking and create a game plan. That game plan should take what the school is saying about your child as a data point - a serious one. Ideally, the school can help you formulate a plan to support your child through their struggles and you can work as a team with the teacher to help your child through the year.


But - what if you don't like the plan proposed?  Or what if you tried the plan (you really tried the plan) - and it doesn't seem to be working? Then you go the next step.


(3) Make your own plan: You know your child best. Lots of people say this to families - but we, as parents, need to know that deep down, we know when our child is loving life - and when they are struggling. If our gut is telling you that your child is not thriving at school, to formulate next steps you need to:

• Figure out what is needed: A better connection with his classroom teacher? More individualized teaching? More hands-on, project time in the classroom? More active learning opportunities? If you aren't sure, volunteering in the classroom is one way to find out. Watch to see where they are having the most trouble. Or -  ask your kiddo. Depending on their age, they might not be able to tell you exactly what is lacking from their education, but they can tell you what they like about school and what they don't like. 

• Is the problem temporary or...? Sometimes difficulty in a classroom is temporary; a substitute teacher for a month could be stressful for a child, but the problem will go away - in a month. Peer friction? It could, and probably will, pass. But sometimes the root source of the problem is long-term; a school's focus on test prep might interfere with plans for hands-on learning.  Maybe your school just cut recess, and your active learner is struggling. Determining whether the problem is permanent part of the school landscape -  or a temporary shift - can help you determine whether action is needed. 

• Could the school help? Are there opportunities for your child that you can access at school? After-school sports programs to help support his activity level? Academic support in a smaller group setting? Ask your teacher, your school administrator, or other parents in the community to find out. Communicating what your child needs to be successful can go a long way in making sure their needs are met daily at school.

• Figure out your options:  I am the last person to advocate a school change, especially for a young child.  But if your problem is of a permanent nature and you aren't finding allies at school in solving the difficulty - then checking out your school choice options might be a next step in determining what other environments could better meet his or her needs. Do this sooner, rather than later. Many districts "options windows" are small (as are application deadlines for charter and private schools) and having a "Plan B" never hurts. 

Nine and Ten - Reflection and Realization in Choosing a School

9. Stop and Reflect

Building in “stopping” points throughout the search process allows you to make sure you are focusing on your child and your family’s key needs and priorities (see #1, 2, and 4) throughout the search process. Having uninterrupted time (translated - get a babysitter) to stop and reflect with a partner, a trusted family member, or an educational consultant throughout your search is critical in making sure that you are on the proper course and you haven’t lost sight of what is most important. In addition, if you are making this decision with another person, you both could have completely separate takes on the schools you are looking at - so spending time together reviewing thoughts, information gathered, and perceptions is key to making sure that you both are on the same page throughout the process.

10. Realize That No Choice is Permanent

This thought is actually what got me through the process of buying a house in the Bay Area. Really (really) there is always a way out of a decision if things go awry. As I was signing my mortgage papers, I would deep breathe and tell myself, “you can always sell the house and move back to an apartment” - over and over again. In the school choice scenario, it is also true. Of course, no one wants to change schools in a year -  just like no one wants to sell their house in a panic. But if you have to you can and you do. There is never a place where you can't change course. 

If your family does need to start fresh in your search after a not-so-great first year, the silver lining is that you will have already gathered key information about what DOESN’T work for your child and your family - and you will have come out the other end smarter and more savvy than you were before.

Seeing and Hearing - Seven and Eight in the Top 10

7. Go and See For Yourself

This one is important. Really. I can’t even count the number of times I have talked to people about schools they are rejecting WITHOUT HAVING STEPPED FOOT INSIDE. So what if Suzie Q down the street said bad things about your local public school? Who cares if Greatschools.org gave it a 5? (See a prior post on my thoughts on that...) The school might not be right for them - and it still might be right for your child.

The same works the other way. I have talked to families who applied to schools without going to a back to school night or a school tour - wanting to keep the process simple, thinking that they know what they want. I really understand that.  As parents, we have so many demands on our time - especially in the Bay Area. However, even if you are very sure that you want your child to attend your neighborhood school, or the school your best friend’s kid goes to...go at least have a look-see. On your day off (when school is in session) - or make an appointment that suits your schedule. This decision is too important to cut corners. 

When touring a school, remember to have your priorities in written form with you so you can highlight things that you see, hear, read, etc. that support them (or are a counter example of what you are looking for). Additionally, bring a file folder (to keep any printed information for the school organized) and a blank legal pad to take notes during the tour. These written reminders will be helpful in your end decision making process - keeping all the schools you visit straight will be hard to do once you are in the final stretch of decision making - so anything that can jog your memory will be valuable to you later.

8. Listen Deeply

When you visit a school, listen as closely as you can to a few different folks: 

School Leaders: This includes principals, heads of school, commanders in chief - basically the leaders of the school you are examining. These people are more important to a school than most people know - they set the tone for each and every school day. How they view children, teaching and learning, school climate, teachers, family involvement, discipline, collaboration, etc. impacts how decisions are made and what gets done. They select the teachers, the assistants, the substitutes, the custodians, the office staff. They make decisions about how the money is spent, how to handle an emergency at the school, how to handle a conflict between a parent and a teacher - big decisions and little decisions about how a school is run each day.  

Listen to everything that comes out of their mouths. And take them at their word.

Some might think I am being a little overdramatic here. But I am afraid I am not - this is 15 years in education talking. The leader of a school can change the climate of a place in a matter of months. A head of school can take a struggling school and make it a place where the best teachers in the city want to come and work. A principal can also drive the most dedicated teachers (and families) away in the same amount of time.  When they talk, listen to what they say about children, discipline, their staff, how they like their job. Listen to their “jokes” - because they will often show a glimmer of how that person actually feels about the topic that is a part of the punchline. And if they say, “Our school is geared towards children who are high achieving and can focus for long periods of time on a topic” - and your child has a more active learning style - don’t apply to that school.  They won’t do well there - the person in charge believes that they won’t - that they can’t - at a fundamental level. Listen, listen, listen.

School Admissions Counselors or District School Assignment Employees: While these people are hired to bring you into a school or a district, they sincerely desire a “good fit” between the family and the school selected.  In the private school sector, a child or a family who is a “poor fit” with a school will often speak ill of the school in the community - which doesn’t reflect well on the school that is trying to recruit new students every year (in a bad economy no less). In worse case scenarios, children who are not performing well at a private school are often “counseled out”  (a.k.a. asked to leave) - which isn’t a fun process for anyone. Selecting children and families that will be happy at a given school and thrive is the admissions office’s job and they are trying to do it well.  Asking detailed questions about your child or your family and how you would fit into a school is a huge help to them - and to you - in making sure there are no missteps. 

At the public school level, this is less true - but often being nice to district folk doesn’t hurt. Go back to the district and ask again, and again, and again (in person if you can) - until you fully understand the district “choice” policies (often called the “lottery” system in our area) as well as policies on inter- and intradistrict transfers. Sometimes you can get great information about how to navigate a fairly complicated system through a friendly smile and persevering. 

Yourself: This is the part about listening your gut. The part of you that knows your kid and knows what they need - even if you can’t always explain it to other people. Your instincts that tell you when feel comfortable walking through the doors of somewhere - and when you don’t. For some people, listening to the alarms that go off in your head (or the feeling of calm that passes through you) is really easy to do. For some people (me) it isn’t. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt - think the best of people. My brain says, “Well, maybe the teacher is having a bad day today, she looks  a little sleepy...or maybe the janitor was sick this week - and that is why the school is dirty....” To other people (you know who you are) every place seems suspect. Their brains say, “Did you see how organized that classroom was - that teacher has OCD for sure....”  Important to know which way you lean and still keep track of those gut reactions. Your instincts are critical to your comfort level with a school. Listen to those voices in your head as you look at a school - they mean something.

Coming up next....#9 - Stop and Reflect

Five and Six - A Helpful Ear and a Critical Eye in Choosing a School

5. Find Some People You Trust

Obviously, I have a bias here because this is what I do for a living. Hiring an educational consultant to help you with identifying your child’s needs and your priorities in looking for a school can be a big support to a busy family. (Here’s our contact information.) But even if you decide that working with an educational consultant, isn’t for your family, finding a trusted friend (one who works in education?) or a partner family going through the same process to talk about impressions, share information, and commiserate can be a big support in everyone making it through to the end with their sanity intact. 

6. Read, Read, and Read Some More

Read the school website. Read the printed literature from the school. Read the district descriptions. Read what you can find on the internet (for East Bay schools look at Berkeley Parents’ Network as a good place to start). Highlight key phrases that show a school’s commitment to your “top three” priorities (see #4). Now, re-read - for what is missing. Make notes if a school doesn’t mention one of your top three in its printed material. Print out a review from BPN that gives a counter example of what you are looking for. Try to read critically for a balanced perspective on your schools of choice. Once you have gathered your information, make a file for each school you are looking at to keep your information easily at hand - and to help you keep them straight. 

Coming up next....#7 - Go and See For Yourself