Trouble at School? Start simple.

It has always been interesting to me that the simplest answers to problems are often times the last ones we consider. I blame the Internet. My weight difficulties - for example - are probably caused by thyroid problems, complex food allergies, and Montsanto's evil nature, rather than my twice-a-day Starbucks habit and my dislike for sweating.

The Internet, while it gives us so much amazing information, can also be the very same place that leads us astray. Leading us down the path of considering the unlikely root cause of problems, when the simple cause is the place to start. (My lovely and geeky husband would nod and say, "Yep. Occam's Razor.")

I have re-learned this lesson over and over again as a teacher. Does this child have undiagnosed ADHD? No...they are having to get up each day at 4 a.m. with their family and are exhausted at school and are acting...well, active...to stay awake. Does this child have undetected learning difficulties? No...they can't hear what I am saying due to having a chronic ear infection since last October.

Is your child having trouble in school? Before you google signs of ADHD or get references for local  educational therapists, start simple. No, more than simple. Start by asking questions about your child's foundation.*

(1) Is your child getting enough....sleep? Your school aged child should be getting somewhere between 10-12 hours of sleep a night, regularly, for optimal health. See the link above for information about how lack of sleep can impact your child at school but just think about you at work on a good night of sleep - and then you, at work, on a bad night of sleep. That is what it is like for your little one, except they don't have the self-regulation skills (or the caffeine access) to "power through" the day that grown ups do.

(2) Is your child getting enough...time with you? Often when I see children struggling in school, I will ask the parents about the quality time that the child is spending with you - the most important people in her world. Difficulties in school often come when changes in a child's access to you (or your partner) occur. Even a quick weekend out of town can have a surprising impact some children to the point of interfering with sleeping, eating, attention, or behavior. Here is an experiment to try: Track how much time your are spending with your child - when you are really interacting and present for them (car time doesn't count) for one week. Then the following week add in one hour of "special time" and note the positive change in your child's mood, attention, and behavior. You will be amazed at the results not for only for your child, but in how you feel about your parenting overall.

(3) Is your child getting enough....down time? If you are a Bay Area reader, I am going to answer this question for you and say no. They aren't. Between school, piano, soccer, Spanish, homework, play dates, and every club, tutor, and class you can think of they aren't getting enough time just to be themselves. Not only are there huge links to downtime and creativity, but there are those same links to down time and general well-being. We need to figure out how to carve out that important time for our kids as a society, but if your child is struggling in school, it is critical to take a good look at our expectations of that child throughout the week.


Looking at your child's calendar at what is necessary - really necessary (like school, eating, sleeping, time with family) -  and then thinking about what can we eliminate to support greater just-to-be-me time, as well as less transition and less travel time in the car. If your child is having a hard time at school, they are going to need this time - along with time with you - to process what is hard and recoup for the next school day.

If you are concerned about doing this, start slow. Take out one activity - the one that your child is the least excited about, or the one that really seems to cut into family time. See if freeing that time supports your child's focus and behavior at school - and move from there.

(4) Is your child eating...a balanced diet? In the spirit of full disclosure, my seven-year-old currently eats about five foods regularly, unless you count different types of candy and desserts as discrete options. This can be the toughest one of all. What are some of the key take aways around nutrition for kids that your teacher would like you to know?

• Don't let your child skip breakfast. Children who don't eat in the morning lose focus an hour into the school day. I've seen it - it isn't pretty.
• Please don't pack soda, chips, or candy in your child's lunch. Without you there, that is the only thing they will eat for lunch. Not anything else that you packed, no matter what you tell them. Most schools do not have the person-power to monitor what students eat, so pack well. 
• Speaking of packing well, you can pack them kale and spinach, but unless your child is out of the ordinary - they aren't going to eat it when you aren't there. I have been following this inspiring blog called "100 Days of Real Food" written by a mom who is walking (and writing about) the fine line of packing healthy food for her kids, but also packing food they will eat. Without a good lunch, students often lose steam about an hour after recess and end up slumped with their head on their desk - not ideal for learning.
• Protein helps with energy and focus. I have P-L-E-N-T-Y of struggles around this in my household since the only meat my daughter likes is bacon. However, there are other foods that provide protein (like nut butters, hard-boiled eggs, cheese etc.) and as a teacher, I noticed that the kids who had protein in their lunch were often more active and engaged in school in the afternoon. 

(5) Has your child had....a recent physical including a hearing and vision screening? (Were the tests inconclusive? Do you need to follow up with a specialist?) Check this out regularly. Difficulties with seeing and hearing (and general health) can have a huge impact a child's ability to succeed in their school work. One of the saddest (and happiest) days I experienced as a teacher was the day a mother of a little boy in my class for preschoolers with special needs told me that she found out her son's ears were blocked - which had prevented him from developing language and connecting with family and peers. After this little boy's ears were cleaned by his doctor, within weeks he went from being almost non-verbal to speaking in short phrases in our classroom. Even if you are pretty sure that your child's hearing or vision isn't the problem - it doesn't hurt to check. Your teacher will thank you.

This is what I mean about your child's foundation. These ideas are the core of what your child needs to be a good friend, a learner, and a positive family member. Any one of them can cause difficulties for your child.  What is amazingly powerful about starting here - and giving your child's physical and emotional health the focus it needs - is that these are all aspects of your child's life that you can positively or proactively influence as a parent.

Simple is the place to start - the Internet can wait for a couple of weeks.

*Note: In searching the internet :) I found an interesting article from Daniel Siegal about the "Healthy Mind Platter" talking about many of these same concepts as a way of looking at our children's day and how we are developing mentally healthy human beings under our care.  Interesting reading!