7. Go and See For Yourself
This one is important. Really. I can’t even count the number of times I have talked to people about schools they are rejecting WITHOUT HAVING STEPPED FOOT INSIDE. So what if Suzie Q down the street said bad things about your local public school? Who cares if Greatschools.org gave it a 5? (See a prior post on my thoughts on that...) The school might not be right for them - and it still might be right for your child.
The same works the other way. I have talked to families who applied to schools without going to a back to school night or a school tour - wanting to keep the process simple, thinking that they know what they want. I really understand that. As parents, we have so many demands on our time - especially in the Bay Area. However, even if you are very sure that you want your child to attend your neighborhood school, or the school your best friend’s kid goes to...go at least have a look-see. On your day off (when school is in session) - or make an appointment that suits your schedule. This decision is too important to cut corners.
When touring a school, remember to have your priorities in written form with you so you can highlight things that you see, hear, read, etc. that support them (or are a counter example of what you are looking for). Additionally, bring a file folder (to keep any printed information for the school organized) and a blank legal pad to take notes during the tour. These written reminders will be helpful in your end decision making process - keeping all the schools you visit straight will be hard to do once you are in the final stretch of decision making - so anything that can jog your memory will be valuable to you later.
8. Listen Deeply
When you visit a school, listen as closely as you can to a few different folks:
School Leaders: This includes principals, heads of school, commanders in chief - basically the leaders of the school you are examining. These people are more important to a school than most people know - they set the tone for each and every school day. How they view children, teaching and learning, school climate, teachers, family involvement, discipline, collaboration, etc. impacts how decisions are made and what gets done. They select the teachers, the assistants, the substitutes, the custodians, the office staff. They make decisions about how the money is spent, how to handle an emergency at the school, how to handle a conflict between a parent and a teacher - big decisions and little decisions about how a school is run each day.
Listen to everything that comes out of their mouths. And take them at their word.
Some might think I am being a little overdramatic here. But I am afraid I am not - this is 15 years in education talking. The leader of a school can change the climate of a place in a matter of months. A head of school can take a struggling school and make it a place where the best teachers in the city want to come and work. A principal can also drive the most dedicated teachers (and families) away in the same amount of time. When they talk, listen to what they say about children, discipline, their staff, how they like their job. Listen to their “jokes” - because they will often show a glimmer of how that person actually feels about the topic that is a part of the punchline. And if they say, “Our school is geared towards children who are high achieving and can focus for long periods of time on a topic” - and your child has a more active learning style - don’t apply to that school. They won’t do well there - the person in charge believes that they won’t - that they can’t - at a fundamental level. Listen, listen, listen.
School Admissions Counselors or District School Assignment Employees: While these people are hired to bring you into a school or a district, they sincerely desire a “good fit” between the family and the school selected. In the private school sector, a child or a family who is a “poor fit” with a school will often speak ill of the school in the community - which doesn’t reflect well on the school that is trying to recruit new students every year (in a bad economy no less). In worse case scenarios, children who are not performing well at a private school are often “counseled out” (a.k.a. asked to leave) - which isn’t a fun process for anyone. Selecting children and families that will be happy at a given school and thrive is the admissions office’s job and they are trying to do it well. Asking detailed questions about your child or your family and how you would fit into a school is a huge help to them - and to you - in making sure there are no missteps.
At the public school level, this is less true - but often being nice to district folk doesn’t hurt. Go back to the district and ask again, and again, and again (in person if you can) - until you fully understand the district “choice” policies (often called the “lottery” system in our area) as well as policies on inter- and intradistrict transfers. Sometimes you can get great information about how to navigate a fairly complicated system through a friendly smile and persevering.
Yourself: This is the part about listening your gut. The part of you that knows your kid and knows what they need - even if you can’t always explain it to other people. Your instincts that tell you when feel comfortable walking through the doors of somewhere - and when you don’t. For some people, listening to the alarms that go off in your head (or the feeling of calm that passes through you) is really easy to do. For some people (me) it isn’t. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt - think the best of people. My brain says, “Well, maybe the teacher is having a bad day today, she looks a little sleepy...or maybe the janitor was sick this week - and that is why the school is dirty....” To other people (you know who you are) every place seems suspect. Their brains say, “Did you see how organized that classroom was - that teacher has OCD for sure....” Important to know which way you lean and still keep track of those gut reactions. Your instincts are critical to your comfort level with a school. Listen to those voices in your head as you look at a school - they mean something.
Coming up next....#9 - Stop and Reflect
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