(1) The horror story: The person will launch into a tale of someone they knew who had a horrible experience with X school or Y preschool and how they could have really used someone like me at the time.
(2) The why-you-aren't-needed story: (I don't take this personally - really.) The well-meaning person will tell me, "Well, you just know when you know. You know? Finding a school - it is all gut instinct. You see it - and you know if it will work for your family."
While I don't want to dismiss someone listening to their gut outright when it comes to school selection (there is definitely a place for it) - I want to challenge this idea because, interestingly enough, the "horror story" responders? They often listened to their gut and went into a school situation without looking hard enough at the fit between the school and their child and family.
The thing is - the American Family is busy. Way too busy. And don't get me started on Bay Area parents - we are busy to the nth power...on speed. It would be great if this was the 1970s where you sent your child to the local public school and things just worked out. It was simple*. Like the advice of "listening to your gut". It simplifies a complex decision making process. It calms worried, busy families. It says, "Go to the tours, but the other, hard work - like figuring out what is most important to your child and your family, and then finding it - that work isn't needed. Your instinct will lead the way."
Our instincts - our gut reaction - are shaped by so many things. Count them with me - our mood, our energy level, our health, what other people told us we should feel or think, our past experiences (which could be related and relevant - or not), our schedule on a given day (busy or calm), our relationships (in conflict or in peace), the conversation we just had with our mother-in-law in the car....so many things can influence how we look at a school at any given time. Our gut is malleable - like cornstarch and water mixed together. Our gut reaction to an experience at any given time might not uphold and prioritize our deeply held values regarding that experience the way we would like it to - it is based (a heck of a lot) in our emotional state.
Here is the hard truth. You wouldn't buy a house on just your gut instinct, right? Home ownership is a major investment and most families treat it as such. We research potential neighborhoods with care. We attend open house after open house. We wonder, what is the community like - and ask multiple people for their perspective. We question - can we afford a house in that area? We consider how we feel about "fixing up" a property - and putting our energy into making more than it was? We think about nearby amenities - do we want access to public transportation? Or is green space more important to our family? Maybe if we need help, we hire a real estate agent to help us find exactly what we are looking for.
I hope you get where I am going with this. With any major investment, most of us carefully think about our family's needs and values before diving in - because choosing a school is a long-term decision will support (or impact) your family for years to come. Your choice for your child's first school environment needs the same attention.
In the end, we do use our instincts to purchase the house or choose the school. But hopefully, we use our gut as only one data point among many to make the best choice possible - to avoid the horror story.
*It wasn't really. Remember? A lot of us were miserable in school. There were just fewer choices.
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