One Wrong Move

I was listening closely to a mother who called me to talk about Kindergarten for her son. As I often do, I take notes as people speak, trying to get a sense of what is most important to them and I write down short phrases to capture their thinking.  Calmly, professionally, she spoke about how to truly know which public school was the best in her area and how she didn't know if private school was better either. She spoke about her son, and how much he was enjoying his preschool and how he was beginning to read and do math. She talked to me about her local public school's test scores and concerns about the entitlement and lack of diversity in her area private schools. She told me about her own educational experiences - and her husband's.

As she continued however, the conversation started to turn slowly towards her worries, her fears. After several minutes, she sighed slightly and said, "It feels like if we make one wrong move, one wrong decision (for our son) then that is it. " I wrote the phrase down at the top of my paper, and circled it slowly as she continued.

There it is. The fear.

In my job, I hear some version of this same worry every day…and whenever I do, I wish to be able to reach into people's hearts and minds and yank it clean out. I can't seem to do that -  so here is my attempt to do it virtually, for anyone else who might be struggling in the same way.

There is no one wrong move in raising your children. 

OK - throwing them off the side of a building is not a good call. But if you are a person who is thinking about your child's educational path and considering your options carefully, with concern, with worry, reading this blog…I am guessing I didn't need to tell you I am not talking about physical safety. Let me rephrase.

There is no one wrong move in educating your children. 

Here is what I know for sure.

Montessori, public school, Waldorf, private school, charter schools, religious education, non-public schools, blended learning, bilingual education, progressive education, inclusion, special day classes, STEM, STEAM, design thinking, gifted education, hands-on learning, traditional learning, expeditionary learning, homeschooling, unschooling, hybrid homeschooling, micro schooling….all of these methods of education (and any that I have missed) have contributed positively to children and families in a multitude of ways, in many places, across time.

You will find happy, contributing members of society who have been educated in all of these ways in a wide variety of schools, chirping happily about their own education or their child's, and how wonderful it is.

You will also find people who have been educated - in any of these methodologies and systems - who don't reflect kindly on their education or their child's experiences in an educational model or particular school.

You will also find people who disliked their education AND who are happy and successful contributing members of our society. Meaning, they made it even though their education wasn't optimal. They made it despite the one wrong move (or more).

And, you will also find - or see - people who our educational structures, systems, choices seemed to fail them. I won't deny that. Those of us who have spent any time in a classroom or in a school have seen them.  What I can guarantee, however, is that those children who were not served, who were ignored, unseen, unsupported - those people and their experiences did not culminate into "failure" because of one wrong move. Or two. Or three. It was from not having people in their daily lives who cared about their education.

These kids didn't have people who cared that they got what they needed in school  - sometimes even outside of school. They didn't have people who talked to them at night before bed and helped them with their homework. That kept in touch with their teacher and read Facebook articles on new educational methodologies. Or thought about the pros and cons between bilingual education and Montessori. That cared about their future and helped them to shape it - in little and big ways - consistently, throughout their childhood. It was not one wrong move - it was many wrong moves, consistently, over time.


There cannot be one wrong move. I know this because none of us would have survived our childhoods if that was the case. All families make wrong moves with their children, because we are human. We err - all the time. You might choose a school or educational path that doesn't end up working for your family or for your child - and that is OK.

I mean it. Stop your worrying. It is going to be alright - even if you are on wrong move #129 by your count.

It is OK because you are there for your child - helping, listening, thinking. You are engaged in your child's education. You are trying. And it turns out, in the end, that is what truly matters.