The Fourth First Day of School

People spend time thinking about their child's first day of Kindergarten. We think about how to make the day not too long so they don't get overtired. We help them make a friend before the first day, so there is a familiar face in the yard to play with before the bell rings. We make sure that one parent takes the morning off to hold their hand on the way in and sit in circle time for a little while - to make the transition a little easier.

But I wonder, if people think about the first day of second grade, or the first day of fifth grade - or even middle school - the same way.

My daughter is getting ready to have her fourth first day of school - the beginning third grade. As I have written about before (here...and here...maybe it is a little bit of a theme) Lily isn't the best at those first days. In fact there is a *WHOLE* warm up routine that she has before a first day begins - even though all her first days have been at the exact same, teeny tiny elementary school (without any known trauma). But for her - it is still hard. Even though she has a friend, even though she knows the school, even though she can find her classroom without help....the fourth first day is still anxiety provoking for her - and others. So I think - what can we do for kids like them?

By treating it like the first, first day of school - with some modifications. (I am pretty sure your middle schooler doesn't want you sitting in on their first English class of the day - so let me explain.)

For example, I think when we drop our kids off at Kindergarten we picture in our heads what we are expecting them to do that day. We are sensitive that we are:

--Dropping them off with unknown adults.
--In a new place.
--With maybe one familiar friend (or maybe none).
--Asking them to "do work" instead of play in the sand all day.
--Do what they are asked to do all day.
--Start something new. Unknown. Exciting. Scary.
--Asking them to be brave.

The "newness" of school is different for an older child - they have a friend, they know where to go to the bathroom, that there will be a schedule and some work to do. They know what school *is*. But if we really consider it - we are still asking them to be brave. To start something new, unknown - that can be scary and exciting at the same time. We are asking them to leave behind some of the freedom of summer and do what they are asked to do - all day. We are asking them to take a risk, to try something that they didn't necessarily sign up for - and that can be hard work.

So we help. We set up a few play dates before school starts so old friendships seem refreshed and strong on the first day. We "drop off some forms" at school with them and spend a little time on campus, noticing new paint on the walls, or a new bulletin board. We listen to them.  Snuggle them as the worries come out about the change -  the new teacher, the new classroom, the new work expected of their new grade. We put them to bed on time - for a whole week before school so they aren't exhausted on the first day of school. We take the day off of work - to linger (at a distance) during the morning drop off, or to hold a hand if necessary. We leave time for a healthy breakfast and pack some favorite food in their lunch to sustain them through the day. We think about what we are asking them to do - and we help make it a little easier.

How are you helping?