Guest lecture at MCPC December 5th!

MCPC Bridge K Info Night

Plus guest lecture by Theresa Lozach of

Beyond Quality Consultants

www.theresalozach.com

Wednesday, December 5^th, 7-9 PM

Do Not Miss this free talk on the decisions facing parents of children approaching kindergarten age!  Theresa offers guidance in understanding the choices.

“We strive to support all families in finding a ‘best fit’ to promote your child’s immediate success within their first—and most important—educational setting.”

More information about our programs at:

www.mcpckids.org

510-339-7213

5815 Thornhill Drive, Oakland, CA 94611

IEP Tips for Families

Part of what I do in my business is support families through the special education process - helping families through meetings with schools and districts to determine what is the best plan for their child with special needs. This can be a very stressful time for families, and I often give this advice to my clients before going into a meeting - and I thought I would pass it along to all of you. They are six simple things you can do to help your IEP go smoothly. 

Remember: 

• You are a full member of the IEP team. This is your child - and special education law is designed to give you a leading role in your child’s education. The district cannot make any changes or implement any plan without advance notice, and often, your written consent. DO NOT give your written consent unless you are sure that the plan is a good one and that it is documented in a clear way in the paperwork. 

• Listen deeply and ask questions. Try to understand people’s perspectives as much as possible by listening, taking notes, and asking questions. The more you understand their perspective, the more involved of a team member you can be. There is no stupid question and everything that is said by a professional should be explained in a way that you can understand. That is a part of their job. 

• Keep calm and expect the best. The vast majority of people who work in special education are there to support children and families. People often have the best intentions. If someone says something that you disagree with, take a deep breath and say, “That is interesting, because that is different than what I have noticed. Can you tell me more about that?” Clear communication often helps 95% of disagreements be resolved in a positive way. Yelling or name calling is the quickest way to destroy a relationship with people who work with your child - and that is not what you want to do if you can avoid it.

•  Make room for what is important to you. Be sure that if you have three questions - or have two things you would like to say - that you prepare them in advance and bring them with you to the meeting so you don’t lose track. Also, tell the IEP chair (generally the special education teacher or the program specialist) before the meeting that you have questions and ask them where on the agenda they would best fit. I often prepare a "suggested agenda" for the meeting to share with the IEP chair (before the meeting) to structure the meeting to address the client's primary concerns - which many people view as helpful because then they can come prepared to the meeting having thought about the questions and having complete answers.  No matter what you do, take an active role in asserting what you feel the team needs to understand about your child.

• Tape record the meeting. It is your right to tape record as long as you give the IEP chair 48 hours notice in advance that you are doing so. Tape recording allows you to have a word-for-word copy of what was said at the meeting to review if you are feeling confused or wanting more clarification - and can support your documentation down the road if needed. While tape recording can have the unintended effect of making people nervous or defensive, making a little joke about it as you are turning on the recorder about your bad memory always helps. 

• Get a copy of all paperwork (signed or unsigned), read it until you understand it, and organize it - always. In special education, the paperwork holds all the power. If the paperwork doesn’t reflect what was said in the meeting the district does not have to follow through with “understandings” at the meeting - even if they have the best intentions to do so. Staff and circumstances change - but paperwork doesn’t. If it is documented in the IEP, no matter who is in charge, they have to follow through.  Understand what you are signing (or not signing) and organize it as you go so you can access it whenever you need it - instead of rustling through a stack of papers whenever you have a question.

Do you have any IEP tips to pass on to readers? Comment below! 

The Public School Lottery - Setting Expectations

Expectation management is a term that is bandied about in my home quite a bit. When I have been gone all day and my husband has been caring for our daughter, in calling to check in he will say, "I just want to set your expectations about the cleanliness of the house right now...". If I have had a bad day, and he calls me up to say when he is coming home from work, I will say, "I would like to set your expectations about my mood right now. It isn't good."

Expectation management prepares us mentally.  Sometimes it is for an upcoming reality, like a dirty house or a bad mood. Sometimes it is just for a limitation, like not being able to complete a task when you thought you would. All people and systems have limitations - and it is good to know about them in advance. The advance preparation may allow us space to be our best selves - to react with kindness instead of frustration, to think instead of panic - and in doing so, it can give us the space to develop a solid plan B. We can shift around plans, put more people on the job, tell the client we aren't going to be ready on time - we can move forward.  However, without the notice, without a person saying, "This is what you can expect here," plan B becomes nonexistent, or thrown together at the last minute - in a way that may work, or it may not.

Since you all are a part of my internet family, I want to set your expectations about your local public school lottery.

These lotteries are actually one of the most heartbreaking aspects of my job as an educational consultant. And for me, most of this heartbreak could be eliminated (or lessened at least) if our school districts had the ability to set people's expectations about the limitations of their local school choice processes (also called lotteries, Options, transfers, etc.).  But they are kind of busy - being underfunded and all - so I am going to help them out.

To start, the term "lottery" has many reference points for many of us, so we make assumptions based on what we think a lottery means. Some of those assumptions are true, and some are false. For example:

• You can't win if you don't play - True. If you don't turn in a form and register for a space in your local public school district within appropriate time frames, you most likely won't get into the school of your choice. Deadlines are important - just like for the actual lottery - and if you turn in your forms late you move to the end of the line. 

• Anyone can play. False. You will need to show identification and proof(s) of residency before a school district will let you enroll through the typical school assignment system. You also need to already live in the neighborhood - it doesn't matter if you intend to move to an area - most lotteries are based on where you can prove you live at the time you turn in the paperwork. Your future home doesn't matter to them. (There is an alternative route, called an intradistrict transfer, but that is for another day.)

• The lottery rules are the same everywhere: Really False. Every district has their own rules, deadlines, and structure for placing students in schools. Research yours and know how the system works. 

• While the odds are high, everyone has an equal opportunity to win. False. Each school district (and their school board) has pre-determined the school choice priorities for their lottery. Those priorities are organized into database that all families are run through to determine placement. Those priorities determine who "wins" a seat at a given school in what priority. (See here for a simple explanation of OUSD's priorities as an example.) 

• There are a variety of factors that can impact this process including: 

1. Home school (or who lives in a certain attendance area)
2. Siblings (if an incoming child already has a sibling that attends that school - to keep families together)
3. Balancing ethnicity, linguistic diversity, socio-economic status, parent education levels at each school site
4. The needs of special programs like language immersion programs, special education, etc. at a given site. 
5. Whether a parent wants a given school or not
6. Impact of district enrollment levels on the process 
7. Impact of school closures on the process  

• Don't quit your day job. True. OK - maybe I am stretching the metaphor a little here, but most people don't quit their job before they know they have won the lottery. Waiting until you have the money in hand is the sane person's plan B. This is absolutely true for school lotteries as well. It is wonderful to have faith that you will get your top choice school - but it is also necessary to plan for a different outcome in case things don't go your way. And a solid Plan B is MUCH easier to formulate early in the school selection season than later. 

                    Your Plan B should include minimally:

• Knowledge of your district's system for being put on a wait list or their appeals process. Here is a good start article on what to ask district personnel by Great Schools. 

• Research on a few other schools in your area (charter, religious, private) that may also meet your family's needs and their application deadlines.

• You can't fix the lottery. True. This is one of the most common question I am asked as a consultant - do I know how to "play" the lottery to guarantee you your first choice school. No. I don't. Other people WAY smarter than me have tried to figure it out and there are too many variables at play. And - it is run by a computer. I swear to you. I have seen them. It doesn't matter who you bake brownies for - the computer doesn't care.

When asked, I always recommend to people (kindly) that instead of spending your precious time working the potential angles of the school lottery system to get your number one school, to spend your time figuring out what other schools in your district may meet your child's needs. Spend time formulating a solid Plan B instead. Even if you get your favorite school, you won't regret having more information about other schools in your area - and you will have greater peace of mind when you receive your placement letter.

I hope this helps a little going into public school enrollment season. What are your questions when it comes to the lottery? Post them below - we can help you find the answers!

New Seminar for Kindergarten Parents!

The Pain of Transitions

As an ex-teacher, I know what I have said to families at the beginning of a school year - the soothing words to help them with their child transitioning into my classroom. Especially when the first day went well, but then the following days - maybe even weeks -  weren't as smooth. The words that were designed to help, to encourage when they approached me with their worry. In some form, they were:

Transition into a new community is not just a single school day - I would assure them.  It is a process that is different for each child. It can take weeks for a child to find their place in a classroom. And just because that process is long, doesn't mean things aren't going well or as planned. At school, your child is engaged in the curriculum, smiling, busy showing a peer their new shoes. But at the same time they are also feeling unsure, feeling that this is new, wondering what is expected of them, and hoping that they are doing their best for you and for me. Both of those feelings are real - and normal. What is wonderful is that each day they spend in school they will feel more like themselves, and be more themselves within our community. For some kids this process is fast - and for others this can take a long time - but it happens for everyone.

I thought my speech was helpful. It was definitely well intentioned and true - from my perspective as a classroom teacher.

But then I became a parent. With a kid who "transitions poorly".

Ours is the child that every year the transition into her classroom is a struggle. And one of the MANY things I didn't know as a teacher without kids was the OTHER side of the transition to school - what the child is doing and saying at home that fuels the quick-starting fire of parental worry. With mine, she will worry - about every detail - of the first day for weeks in advance. It will impact her sleeping, her eating, her ability to focus. She will become emotional with the smallest, even routine, challenge. Play dates become difficult because her flexibility and happy nature isn't available (not even via appointment). And in the morning, every, single, morning, she will refuse to go to school. She did this in Kindergarten. She did this in first grade. And we are experiencing it again in second grade.

So I know, because this is our third year of this, that my daughter will eventually transition to her new classroom. I know that she will love school, love her new teacher, make new friends. She has successfully transitioned every year. I know that it just takes time for her - just like it does for many children. Yet today (like last year, like the year before) my stomach is in knots, my heart hurts, and I am on the verge of tears. Watching her every night (and morning) miss her old teacher, miss her old friends, miss her routines - watching her in pain - is so powerfully hard for her and for me.

As a classroom teacher I had a front row seat to each child transitioning to school. I saw how it was easier for them - each day. I saw the amazing process of growing up.  But I didn't as clearly see the other side which is - growth is hard. The growing pains that are a part of any child becoming taller, more capable, more experienced. It is a difficult thing to watch my daughter go through them - and almost impossible not to want to heal them - to quickly erase the pain with some salve (cupcakes maybe? a new dress?). And the more extreme thoughts are there, ready to jump in and intrude if I let them. Maybe this isn't the right teacher for her. A new school - that would solve this problem. My brain keeps searching for a way to interrupt this process - to keep her safe and to return her to stasis.

My past words as a teacher come back to me during these times. I think what I would add now is that this pain - this unbearable pain for your child and for you - is so important. It is a part of moving forward - a part of becoming a big kid. It is hard to watch, and harder still not to step in and fix it. But after it is over,  your child will be more capable and confident. More self-aware and self-assured. They will have grown.

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Back-to-school transitions can take over the family during the first month (or two) of school. As a teacher and a parent, I know that often children in a new classroom are using all their energy to "do a good job" at school - and then they come home and fall apart for you - the parent. And what is especially difficult, as the parent, is figuring out when you need some help with your child's transition to their new classroom.

(1) Start with awareness and observation. Watch how your child is doing each day and whether environmental changes support their morning transition to school. This could include an earlier bedtime, a heartier snack during the day, less activities after school, or certain morning routines. Here are some perspectives on routines that support many children starting their school day on the right foot:


http://www.raisinghappiness.com/community/blog/2012/09/happiness-tip-stick-with-your-routine/

http://www.parentdish.co.uk/back-to-school/after-school-grumpy-children-advice-for-parents/?a_dgi=aolshare_twitter

Also, if it helps you, track in a journal how each day has gone and rate the morning in terms of difficulty in transitioning. Sometimes bad mornings can feel like they have been happening forever when really they are getting better day by day (just a little). A journal can sometimes help us as parents refocus ourselves on the positive growth - rather than only experiencing and reflecting on the negative part of transitioning.

(2) Wait. Transitions take time - so don't bombard the teacher with your concerns until at least three school weeks have gone by. Think about you starting a new job. It takes time for anyone to feel comfortable in a new setting - to figure out where to go to get the materials you need, who is the best person to sit next to at lunch, with who is a good person to help you with a problem.

While you are waiting though, build in time for your child that is quiet and nourishing. For my child, that is time at home reading a book with us or drawing at her art table. For your child, it might be a visit to your local park or a long bath at night. Any activities that add onto their long day "at work" should be considered with caution and balanced with down time. Sometimes even fun activities can add to your child's sense of stress and change, so be wary of over scheduling.


(3) Then - check in. If the transition is particularly difficult (and is lasting a while), talk to your child's teacher to check in to see how the transition is going on their end and if they have any recommendations for you. Be prepared for advice that might be hard to implement  - like an earlier bedtime, or getting to school 15 minutes earlier for more time on the playground, or that maybe...it might be better for Dad to do the morning drop off for awhile. Follow the advice religiously for at least a week before checking back in with your teacher - and track the improvement in your journal to see if there is any positive changes from the shift.

(4) Try, try again. If the advice isn't working - then it might be time for a longer conference with your child's teacher. Remember to schedule it in advance - this isn't a playground conversation - and have time to brainstorm and work collaboratively with your child's teacher to find solutions. Maybe there is something in the classroom environment causing anxiety - or maybe there is a routine that your child needs at home that could use some tweaking. Come to the meeting with a problem-solving, open attitude - and you can both work together to find a way to support your child.

Starting the season ahead!

As I was busily entering school tour dates into our company's website, I had a small moment of panic. ACK! It is school selection season soon! BUT IT IS STILL SUMMER, my head screamed!

After a few deep breaths, I realized that I will be prepared. This summer I have been busily gathering everything that I could need to help families through this hard, stressful season -  including preparing a great (and FREE) presentation on September 29th on choosing a "best fit" school for your child.

But - if you are the kind of person who likes to think ahead (like me), here is an old post to get you off on the right foot. Nice and early.

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Looking for a school can be very overwhelming - and time consuming. Wondering what to do when? To help, we have organized key action items that will assist your family in a public, private/parochial, and charter school search. (Note to Non-Bay Area families: this list may help you, but double check time lines with your district and independent schools organizations to make sure they match our estimates.)

Here is a month-by-month list of activities to help you organize your school search: 

August

• Brainstorm with your partner, close friend, mother, etc. what are the most important things you are looking for in a school. Think about this from your perspective (what will make you feel comfortable that your child is getting a good education) and from the viewpoint of your child (what type of setting do they do well in?) 

• Start your research as soon as possible: Start doing Internet and word-of-mouth research on schools of interest. Places to start in the Bay Area are: 

www.greatschools.org

www.parents.berkeley.edu

www.ebisaca.org

www.nais.org

www.capenet.org

Check out up-and-coming educational search site www.noodle.org

Don't forget the websites of the schools themselves - they are full of great information.

Last, but not least, talk to friends, family, chatting with people you meet in the park - people love to talk about their impressions about schools - listen to them, but do other research to back up their thoughts. 

• If your child is applying to a private middle school (or high school), they will probably need to take the ISEE or the SSAT. Go to http://erblearn.org/parents/admission/isee or http://www.ssat.org/ssat/info/home.html to find out when the testing dates for this year are and register.

September

• Talk to your child’s preschool (or previous) teacher(s). Ask them: 

--Their impressions of what kind of program would be beneficial for your child. 

--Is my child ready for....? Knowing early in the year whether your child needs extra support to be ready for the next grade can be critical in selecting a school and getting them the support they need. 

--What schools have other families attended - and spoke positively about? 

--Would they be willing to write a teacher recommendation (required by most private schools) for your child? If so, what time frame would be most helpful for them (you don’t want your teacher to rush through your child’s recommendation). 

• Request admissions and financial aid material for private/parochial schools of interest online or via phone. Most schools will have their tour schedule up at this time - but a few won’t. If there are some “must see” schools on your list, request that you be informed of tour times once they are scheduled. 

• Create a place to keep all your information gathered about various schools to stay organized throughout the school selection season. 

• Schedule study time for the ISEE for your middle school or high school student. (See above.)

October

• This is when tours, open houses, and information nights for private/parochial schools begin in earnest - schedule them and attend. While you want to collect good information, don’t overwhelm yourself by doing all your touring in October - you can tour in November, and in December too. Spread it out.

Remember: Take notes during each tour and organize any information you receive at a tour with your application materials. You don’t want to be searching for your notes on “school A” at the last minute before your application is due. 

Idea: Take some pictures on your school tours with your handy smart phone. Most schools won’t let you take pictures of children - but they will let you take pictures of the outside of the school, the hallway, an empty classroom, etc. Pictures may help you remember one school versus another when they all start to blur in your memory in January.

• Information fairs for independent schools - where you can talk to representatives from a variety of schools in the Bay Area at one time - occur during this month. Check the EBISA website for this year’s fair date and location.  

• Middle schoolers and older need to finish studying and take the ISEE. See above for more information.

Click here for November through March - you, early planner you!

With Your Last Bit of Energy - Prioritize

Coming towards the end of the school touring season here in the Bay Area, I am reminded how exhausting the school selection process is for families. If you are reading this blog - and you are in the middle of choosing a school for your child - take a deep breath, get yourself a cup of tea and relax for a moment.  After all the touring, sifting through online information, reading brochures, having endless conversations with friends and strangers - you are almost done and deserve a moment to yourself to recoup.

Do you want more than a moment though? Then I have a suggestion.  Use your last bit of energy to prioritize.

I understand the drive to see one more school, read one more article, or talk to one more person in this process, especially here in the Bay Area where we have a wealth of options.  As a consultant, I have seen 40+ schools in the East Bay Area this season - and there is plenty more to see. I deeply understand the need to be thorough, the intense drive to find the best possible school setting for your child because that is what brought me to my work in the first place. But instead of spreading yourself thinner, now is a fabulous time to prioritize.  Do less and get more from your school selection time. Sound too good to be true? Here is the plan:

If you have read this blog before, you know I am big on figuring out your key values in your school selection.  If you haven't before, now (meaning, yesterday) is a critical time to start.  If you know what are the most important aspects of a school setting to you (and your partner), to your child as a learner, and to your daily family life then you can start to eliminate schools based on those priorities. However, if you are trying to compare 15 schools on 39 different qualities...you are going to get real tired, real quickly, and possibly fail at the task.

(1) Start with figuring out what is most important to you in a school -  your must haves in a in school setting. You can pick a library and a librarian, or weekly Spanish class - great. Or you could pick a strong PTA, or a kind and thoughtful school principal. Whatever you pick -  pick three.  Yes - three. The most important ones. The ones that without them, you couldn't in good conscience drop your child off at school each day. The ones that will give you peace of mind and faith that something good is happening with your child each day.

(2) Then, think about your kid. What do they like to do? What are they interested in? What kind of teacher or teaching do they respond to? What kind of setting brings out the best in them? Wouldn't it be great if the school you selected had some of those qualities? Pick three. Pick the three qualities that, without them, your child might not see school as a great place to be everyday.

(3) Now delve into the practical. What can't you do as a family in choosing a school? Maybe you can't drive 30 minutes each way to go to school everyday. Possibly (just possibly) you can't afford a $20,000 tuition for private school next year. Maybe you need an aftercare program, and the school you love doesn't have one. Whatever your boundaries are - figure them out. Pick the two most important, the ones that without them in place, your family life would get pretty rough.

Now, with your last bit of mental energy, look at your schools that you have seen under the lens of these eight characteristics. Just the eight. Don't think about the amazing tennis program or the new recess playground, or the up and coming test scores...unless those qualities were one of your eight "must have" characteristics.

Now you can compare and contrast. In doing so, if you come up with a clear front-runner - wonderful. Focus your energies in getting into that school.  However, if you don't, you might have more digging to do in terms of school research.  But do your digging with your key eight in mind (pushing to the side the other 29 possible characteristics), so you can sift through information with focus, not frenzy.

Good luck to everyone in the New Year!